Never Alone
by rowanashke
Summary: IruKaka. Thrown together on a mission, Iruka and Kakashi find themselves drawn together. But can Kakashi accept the love that Iruka wants to give him? AU, look inside for explanations. No lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Hiya!. This is probably my 3rd fanfiction that I ever wrote. I was still trying to get comfortable with the idea of yaoi, so there's no lemons here. (lol) I've updated it a bit, but it's pretty much the same as it looks on the TONFA site with just a few tweaks. It's AU, and Iruka's a jounin (we all know he could be if he wanted to), Iruka (not Kakashi) is the jounin sensei of team 7, and Kakashi's still in ANBU. The war never ended, they're still fighting with the other Shinobi nations. There's a few other changes, but you get the idea. Hope you like. n.n.

Oh yea. Standard disclaimer applies, I don't own Naruto or any of the other characters, ect.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Iruka gasped, leaning heavily against the wall. He couldn't seem to catch his breath.

The stench of blood was all around him. He avoided looking at the bodies, at the splashes of dark red on the walls. Some of it was his own work; the ANBU had accounted for the rest. It was something he'd become accustomed to, ignoring things like that.

He shivered and tried to push off the wall. But his strength was gone, for the moment, and he gave up. I drained my chakra pretty badly there, he thought dimly. Not good. At least the bastards didn't get through…

He'd been sent with his genin team to the outpost to investigate the reports of odd events that the border guards. He and his team had arrived only to find the guards missing, presumed dead, and the border completely open to attack.

There wasn't much he could do; he'd sent the kids hurrying back to the village while he settled in to stop whatever was coming. It had been hard convincing Naruto to do as he said. He'd hoped they'd get back alright; he'd hoped they'd send help in time. He'd passed his jounin exam, but Iruka knew in his heart that he never should have taken it. But every one is needed, he thought sadly. Especially now.

But he'd done his job. He'd held until the ANBU arrived. And they'd not gotten through.

He sighed and reached up wearily to rub the scar across his face. Even that took a lot of effort from him. He felt completely drained, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to stand if he pushed away from the wall.

One of the ANBU stopped in front of him. "Are you injured?"

The man's voice was oddly muffled through the mask. Iruka blinked at him a few times, trying to clear his head. "No." He said finally. "Just wiped out. Blew my chakra."

The ANBU studied him for a moment, then reached out and gripped his shoulder. Iruka felt an influx of warmth and strength and was able to push off the wall to stand straight. "Thanks."

The ANBU dropped his arm and waved his hand. "We'll clean up, but the Hokage wants you to stay until the new guards get here. We'll be around in case something bad happens, but we're going to sweep the area and make sure no one got by you while you were fighting here."

Iruka nodded. "Fine."

"Get some sleep." The ANBU pointed to the sleeping room, mercifully clear of blood and bodies. "We'll wake you before we leave."

Iruka didn't argue. He stumbled to the room, picked a bed at random, and fell down, fully dressed.


	2. Chapter 2

Iruka woke slowly, aware of several things. First, he was not in his apartment. Not a strange occurrence. Second, there was someone in the room with him.

Iruka reacted without thinking. Slipping a kunai from its sheathe, he exploded from the bed, aiming to incapacitate whoever it was.

The other person moved too fast; Iruka found himself flipped, spun, and laid out on the bed. A warm body slammed down over him. He felt the kunai twist out of his grip.

"Idiot." A voice said quietly, warmly.

Iruka gasped and relaxed. The figure, now outlined in the gloom, was wearing an ANBU mask.

"Sorry" Iruka muttered. The ANBU chuckled, and Iruka flushed slightly. He was suddenly, acutely aware that he was being held down on a bed. "Uhhhh…"

The ANBU shifted, and Iruka realized with shock that he was removing his mask. Tossing it into the corner, the figure turned back and started…

Ohgod. He was nuzzling Iruka.

Shit.

Iruka stiffened, and the ANBU stopped. They lay like that for a moment. Then, the figure shifted again, releasing Iruka.

Iruka lie still for a moment, and then sat up. The ANBU was still sitting next to him. Now that he was up, he looked sideways and identified the ANBU. Hatake Kakashi…? Blushing furiously, Iruka rubbed his scar and wondered how the hell he was going to handle this.

"Funny." Hatake sighed, and Iruka got the impression he was grinning slightly. "Jounin Umino Iruka, leader of team seven, blushes like a little girl."

Iruka blushed harder. "Uh..well, it was...kind of…uh, a surprise…"

Damn his stutter. Hatake chuckled.

"Hmmm. Sorry, Umino.. I didn't mean to offend your virgin self."

There was an edge in Hatake's voice that sliced Iruka. He didn't, past the first moment, believe that it had anything to do with him personally. But he wasn't sure what it meant, or how to handle the situation.

Iruka didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. Hatake just sat there quietly, staring into the darkness. After a moment, he rose and walked out into the main room.

They'd done a pretty good job. Most of the blood was gone. Iruka wondered, briefly, if what was left was really there, or if it was a figment of his imagination.

The ANBU flowed out the door. Iruka didn't know which of them was Hatake. It didn't really matter.


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka was getting edgy. The outpost was quiet. The forest echoed only with the sound of birdcalls and the rustling of deer. But there was something that shimmered over his nerves and kept him awake at night.

Something was coming.

Iruka rubbed his nose and leaned on the wall, staring silently out into the forest. The tense feeling wouldn't go away.

His replacements should be here any day now, he thought with a sigh. I hope they didn't meet with any trouble in the forest. I want to go home. I want to see the kids. I want, he thought with a sudden flash of amusement, to sleep about a week.

Suddenly, something flickered in the forest. Tensing, Iruka faded back, letting the shadows conceal him as he studied the area carefully.

Even with his advance notice, he was almost surprised by the attack; it came so swiftly and silently. His attackers-three of them-moved to ring him and sent some kind of lightning spray at him. Iruka reacted by bending almost double backwards to let the lightning flash harmlessly over his head. At the same time, his hands flashed and he snarled before releasing his own attack, slapping his hand on the ground behind him. The shock of his jutsu shot through the earth and exploded under the feet of the three attackers.

They evaded too damn easy. Iruka got the sinking impression that he was very much outmatched here. Panting, he continued to dodge and attack, trying desperately to think of something to counter the three.

But one of them got a hit on him; he spun backwards, swearing violently. Pain exploded in his shoulder. Driven to his knee, he felt the wall impact with his face. Blood exploded from his lip. He fought to keep his head clear. As soon as he could, he pushed off the wall, spinning around to assume a defense crouch.

One of the attackers flashed his hands, and Iruka read his own death in the other's eyes.

So be it. He wiped the blood from his split lip, grinning a little. He was ready. He lifted his hands and began to form his own signs. "I'll take you with me, you bastard" he hissed.

But the attacker suddenly gasped and fell over, clutching his side. Iruka, not sure what was going on, still didn't waste any time. Abandoning his signs, he palmed two kunai from the sheaths and kicked off the wall. Flinging kunai randomly in the direction of the other two, he lunged to the side and rolled, trying to get out the direct line of fire of whoever it was out there.

A dark shape flashed by; Iruka caught a startled glimpse of a yellow, red and white blur. ANBU? Gasping, Iruka managed to get to his feet as the ANBU-the single, solitary ANBU-took down another of the attackers. Iruka was dazed to see the third already down, shot through the eye with his hastily flung kunai.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall, shaking with reaction. Two hard fights in less than a day. He sighed. At least this time I'm not completely wiped out.

The ANBU kicked the one that Iruka had killed and turned. Reaching up, he pulled off his mask and gave Iruka a keen, sharp glance. "Nice shot." It was Hatake.

Iruka coughed and managed a grin. His shoulder hurt horribly. Hatake walked over and checked his shoulder. "Not too bad. It'll heal."

Iruka coughed again. He couldn't stop shaking. Hatake stood there silently for a moment, tension in his body.

Iruka suddenly leaned forward and laid his head into Hatake's chest. Hatake's arms came up to hold him.

"Umino..." Hatake whispered, uncertaintanly.

Iruka slid his hands up Hatake's body and neck. Hooking his fingers into Hatake's mask, he stripped it down and breathed "shut up, Hatake."


	4. Chapter 4

Iruka sighed and rubbed his shoulder. It was still sore, a week after the mission. "Faster, Sakura. Naruto, hit her like you mean it. Don't hold back 'cause she's a girl, idiot."

Sasuke laughed, and Naruto turned an unlovely shade of pink. It clashed rather horribly with Sakura's hair.

Iruka stretched, trying to ease the tension in his neck. Watching Sakura and Naruto spar, he critically noted that Naruto was still pulling his punches and that Sakura was too slow on her left side. Sakura he could probably fix; Naruto would continue to pull back like that, not wanting to hit the girl.

"Enough." Iruka stood and smiled encouragingly at the three. "Well, that's enough of that for today. We'll end with a run, and then we'll call it good for today."

Predictably, Sakura groaned, Naruto looked excited, and Sasuke looked…well, Sasuke looked like Sasuke.

"Around the village. Stay on the ground…" a fierce glare for Naruto, who'd decided last time that running on the wall was easier than running on the ground. He didn't want to deal with the complaints that had arisen from _that_ episode. "Go!"

They took off. Iruka watched them leave, his mouth stretching into a grin. Good kids, even Sasuke.

Iruka yawned and rubbed his hand through his hair. He'd had it pulled back earlier, but sometime during the training it had come untied and now hung freely around his face. It's time for a cut, he thought absently.

"Umino-san!"

Hearing his name, Iruka sighed and turned to the messenger.

"Yes?" he asked pleasantly.

"Hokage-san wishes to see you." The messenger, a genin, took a deep breath and then sped away. Iruka stood silently for a moment, his face turned up to the sun. Then he turned and walked slowly to the tower.

…

"Decoy." Iruka shifted his weight, feeling the strain in his shoulder intensifying with his tension. "You want me to play decoy."

The Hokage steepled his hands in front of his face, looking tired and worried. "Yes, Iruka. You'll not be alone, of course…"

Iruka glanced sideways to the silent ANBU standing behind the Hokage. Not alone.

He sighed and shrugged. "Ok. When do I leave?"

The Hokage let out the breath he'd been holding. "In the morning. The decoy goes first. Two days after you leave, the target leaves." There was something in the set of his face, in his eyes…

Iruka nodded. "I'll tell my team. You'll keep an eye on them, won't you?"

The Hokage nodded and left the tower. As Iruka walked down the stairs, he wondered why all of that had seemed so…final.


	5. Chapter 5

Iruka stared at himself in the mirror, genuinely appalled.

He wasn't using the henge; it wasn't needed. Instead, he was wearing the single most horrible outfit he'd ever set eyes upon.

It was horrible. Yellow spandex. Blue sequins. Body-hugging awfulness. His mind refused to take in the screamingly green feather boa and the pink headband. I look…I look…

"….gngh…"

Naruto's head was buried in the couch. Sasuke looked ill. And Sakura was hovering beside him, her face screwed up so tight that Iruka sourly wondered why she wasn't bursting.

"It looks…it looks…"

Sakura made a helpless, snorting noise and ran into the bathroom. It didn't help; her hysterical laughter was quite audible.

Gritting his teeth, Iruka sternly reminded himself that killing his students would be considered a bad thing in most circles.

There was a knock, and Sasuke opened the door to admit an ANBU. "Umino-san, it's time to _oh my god what in the fucking hell is that?"_

Iruka turned a furious glare on the ANBU. "It's…my…disguise. And don't swear in front of the kids." He grated out. The ANBU didn't respond for a long moment. Iruka's glare notched up.

Finally, in a rather choked voice, the ANBU said "It's nearly time to go, Umino-san. We'll meet you…gnngh…by the front…hrrgh…gate…" He appeared to be having trouble speaking.

He didn't wait for an answer but spun on his heel and dashed away.

Sakura came out of the bathroom. Naruto pulled his head out of the couch.

Iruka forgot what he was wearing. Turning to his students, he reached his arms out and hugged Naruto tightly, then Sakura. Sasuke hesitated before throwing his arms around Iruka and hugging him fiercely.

"I'll be back. You three keep up your training. I don't know how long this is supposed to last. But…I'll be back." Iruka said quietly.

Sakura looked like she was going to cry. Touching her nose lightly, he grinned and then left quickly.

…

There were a lot more people waiting for him at the gates than he'd anticipated. Evidently word of his outfit had spread. Gritting his teeth and dark red with embarrassed fury, Iruka stalked to the trio of ANBU who were waiting for him, holding a horse by its halter.

"ANBU or not, if ONE of you makes ONE stupid comment I swear to god I'll paint the walls with your _intestines_." He hissed.

There was a pause as the ANBU stared at him, evidently taken aback by his fierceness. Finally, one of them cleared their throat and said, rather diffidently, "We should be going, Umino-san."

Iruka nodded tightly and mounted the horse. Settling himself for the ride, he glanced back and allowed his eyes to linger for a brief moment on his beloved village before resolutely turning his horse around and kicking it lightly in the side.


	6. Chapter 6

As he jogged along, he rehearsed the background in his mind. He was Yomuritu Shendae, a diplomat from the land of the waves. As a fairly neutral country in the shinobi wars, the land of waves had been trying for a couple of years now to affect some kind of peace treaty between the warring nations. However, someone didn't want a treaty. Someone was only interested in keeping the war alive.

Thus the dodge. The real diplomat carried a treaty that just might end the war. However, there were assassins who were interested only in stopping the treaty from reaching those it needed to end this stupid war.

Iruka sighed and shifted a little. He really hated riding horses. He hadn't caught a glimpse of his ANBU escort, but that was to be expected. If he couldn't see it, then neither could any would-be assassins.

He didn't want to think about that.

…

The innkeeper was ingratiatingly happy to see him. Iruka supposed there wasn't much custom to be had during these hard times. Iruka thanked him quietly and retreated to his room as quickly as it was possible.

Stripping off the horrible outfit, he dressed simply in a pair of loose sleeping pants and a sleeveless shirt. Then he sat down in the middle of the room, assumed a lotus pose, and closed his eyes.

He felt the window open. Snarling silently, he palmed the kunai he'd placed under his leg and tensed, listening.

"Umino, relax."

Iruka didn't recognize the voice, so he didn't relax. Turning his head slightly and affecting a relaxed pose, he opened his eyes slowly.

It was an ANBU. At least, it looked like an ANBU. He was tensely aware that looks can be deceiving.

Shit, Iruka thought tensely.

The ANBU chuckled softly. "What's wrong? Don't trust me? I'm hurt, Umino-san." The figure stripped off his ANBU mask, revealing Hatake's silver hair and ironic, masked face.

Iruka sighed in relief and slid the kunai back under his leg. "Shit. Hatake, don't _do _that to me."

Hatake chuckled again and moved behind Iruka. "Hold still. You look like you could balance a genin on your shoulders."

He dug his fingers into Iruka's back. Groaning in pain, Iruka closed his eyes and relaxed further, letting his head fall forward. "Hmmm. That feels…really good."

Hatake laughed almost soundlessly and continued his massage. "How are you holding up?"

Iruka sighed. "I'm fine. Tense, jumping at every shadow, and too damn wired to sleep, but fine. I keep hoping they'll just attack already. The waiting is killing me."

"Hmmm." Hatake moved his hands up to Iruka's neck. "Yeah, I know. It's too quiet. We're getting a little worried too. Maybe they didn't take the bait?"

"Iruka pondered that, his eyebrows drawing together. "But…that would mean…"

"Yeah." Hatake's hands stopped moving. "Yeah. There might be a spy in Konoha."

They both sat silently, Hatake's hands warm on Iruka's neck. Finally, Hatake started massaging again. "Of course, being attacked wouldn't cancel that out either. We just have to keep it up until the target reaches his goal."

Iruka sighed. After a few moments, Hatake squeezed Iruka's shoulders and stood. "I've got to go. Think you can sleep now?"

Iruka sighed in relief. "Yeah. Thanks, Hatake."

Hatake laughed and leaned over. Wrapping his arms around Iruka's shoulders, he nuzzled Iruka's neck suggestively. "I think, given everything that's happened that you can call me Kakashi."

Iruka blushed hotly. Kakashi snickered and then sighed. "I've really got to go. Sleep, Iruka."

Iruka felt Kakashi's weight leave his back. Smiling and blushing, Iruka stood and slipped into the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Two days later, they finally attacked. Iruka didn't get any warning. One moment he was placidly riding his horse down the road, and the next he was flat on his back, struggling with a slender, black-clad body.

It didn't last long. A throwing star flashed from the trees; the attacker stiffened and fell over. Iruka pushed him off with a grunt.

"Sorry, Umino-san. That one slipped by us while we were dealing with his three assistants."

The voice wasn't Kakashi's. It sounded feminine, but it was really hard to tell with the masks. Sighing, Iruka accepted her hand to rise. Dusting his horrible clothes off, he glanced around. "No harm done. I'm not completely helpless, you know." He said it flatly, aware that he'd let his guard down. Stupid, stupid…

The ANBU laughed a silvery chime that was lovely even through the mask. Iruka immediately recognized it; he'd taught the girl back before he'd given up teaching to become a jounin.

"No doubt about that. Let's get going. It's a long way to the next town."

Iruka remounted his horse. "Yeah, let's go."

…

Iruka felt weary and bruised all over. "Me and my big mouth!" he muttered, rubbing his aching head.

There had been not one, but _nine_ more attacks on the road. Two times the assailants had gotten through; he'd killed one of them with his bare hands. This town was big enough to sport a bath house, and Iruka had gratefully sunk into the hot water.

And then the bastards tried for him in the bathing house. Iruka avoided being drowned; the ANBU dragged him out of the water, his fingers still clutching the assassin's throat.

The ANBU had a brief conference; Iruka was hustled from the bathing house and into the inn. At that point, Iruka only wanted to lie down for a year.

Finally, he'd gotten his wish. Flinging himself down on the bed, Iruka fell asleep without even removing the hated outfit.

…

Kakashi shoved his ANBU mask up on his head and rubbed his neck, perching on the edge of the bed that Iruka was occupying so thoroughly. So far, their plan was a _great_ success.

I'm surprised he's not dead yet, Kakashi thought in disgust. We're doing _such_ a great job protecting him.

The problem was that they were not only supposed to protect Iruka, they were also supposed to stay out of sight. Those two objectives were clashing rather violently. It was a good thing that Iruka was capable of protecting himself, or he probably _would_ be dead.

Sleeping, Iruka's face looked surprisingly young. Well, he was younger than Kakashi, but only by a year. But awake, there was a certain strength about him, an aura that drew people to him.

A sound drew his attention. Iruka, curled on his side in an almost fetal position, was whimpering softly in his sleep.

Kakashi froze for a moment. Iruka whimpered again, his eyebrows drawing together.

Kakashi slowly reached over and gently stroked Iruka's cheek.

Iruka sighed softly, and Kakashi felt an odd, tingling sensation in his chest.

Kakashi slid closer, his fingers moving across Iruka's cheek and over his forehead. Gently, he smoothed out the line that had appeared between Iruka's eyes. Moving down his nose, he let his fingers linger on Iruka's soft lips.

Iruka's chocolate-brown eyes fluttered open. He blinked lazily and then smiled. Kakashi's fingers felt Iruka's lips move.

"Hello K..Kakashi." Iruka said shyly.

Kakashi smiled gently down at him. "You were having a bad dream."

"Mmmm." Iruka suddenly smiled and rolled over, bringing his head to rest in Kakashi's lap. His long, slender frame hung over the bed, but he didn't look too uncomfortable. "Thank you for waking me up."

Kakashi felt a grin tug at his lips. Reaching up, he pulled his mask down. "Well, now. Since when did you get so forward? What happened to my blushing little Umino-san?" he asked, purring.

Iruka promtly blushed. Kakashi bit his lips to keep in a crow of laughter. "Ah, there he is."

"Shut up, Hatake." Iruka growled, blushing harder.

"Mmmm. That sounds familiar." Kakashi chuckled, and then leaned down. Catching Iruka's lips with his own, he nibbled gently. Iruka shivered, his hand moving to curl around Kakashi's knee.

"Still tired?" Kakashi whispered against Iruka's lips.


	8. Chapter 8

Three days later, four more assassination attempts. Iruka was getting mightily tired of it. What was worse, the assassins were getting better and better. He now sported a rather lovely bruise on his cheek and a bandage on his arm, where a thrown knife had scraped him. He was also riding a different horse and nursing a very tender, burned forearm from an exploding trap jutsu.

One of them is going to get too close, Iruka thought wearily. If that knife had been poisoned, I'd be dead now.

His ANBU escort had been reduced by one, too. One of the assassins had gotten in a lucky blow. The ANBU had never regained consciousness. Iruka didn't even know his name.

Kakashi and his fellow ANBU were bone-weary and reaching the end of their endurance. And they'd received no word from the leaf village.

They were still a week from their destination, and Iruka was becoming more and more certain that they'd not be making it there alive.

…

Iruka sank into the chair, feeling his muscles twitching with fatigue. Kakashi and Yumika-who had given up on the mask when she'd figured out that Iruka knew who she was- were collapsed on the bed, wearily keeping each other upright.

"I can't…I can't do this anymore." Iruka winced, trying to keep his eyes open. "If we get attacked right now, we're all dead. No way to stop it."

"I'm exhausted. I don't have any charka left." Yumika yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I'm useless."

Kakashi opened his eye, looking mournful. "I'm not that much better."

"What are we going to do?" Iruka shivered. "I'm not really looking forward to dying."

"You're not going to die. We're ending this." Kakashi's voice was harsh. "We can't finish. As senior member, I'm pulling the plug."

Iruka wanted to cry in relief. Yumiko looked upset for a moment, but finally sighed in relief. "Ok. So how are we going to do this? We can't just suddenly turn around-if the _other_ hasn't reached his destination yet…"

Kakashi suddenly grinned impishly. "I'm going to kill you, Umino"

Iruka rolled his eyes and glared at Kakashi. "Uhm hmm. Go ahead, put me out of my misery." He rubbed his face, feeling his fingers trembling.

Kakashi chuckled. "I will. Get some sleep, Umino. It's best if you don't hear these plans. Your acting skills aren't that great."

Iruka laughed and stood. "Ok. Get off the bed, then. I'm _not _sleeping on the chair."

They slid off and Iruka fell into the bed. His last thought was, strangely enough, I wish he'd called me Iruka…

…

The next day, Iruka woke to find the room empty. Groaning, he pulled on the hated outfit, now a little rumpled from his travels. His eyes felt gritty and full of sand and, gingerly testing his chakra, he found himself still dangerously low.

Stumbling down the stairs, he fell into a chair and winced as the waitress dumped a plate of food in front of him. This wasn't a _good _inn; it had just been close.

He carefully tested the food for poison. He didn't sense anything. But then again, he thought unhappily, as low as my chakra is, I might not even notice it. Staring dumbly at it for a long moment, he sincerely thought about pushing it away. But he was starving. Finally he shrugged and dug in.

Finished, he stood and struggled to his feet. I wonder what Kakashi's planning…

Pain!

Iruka yelled in shock and clapped his hand to his chest. Staring down at the protruding knife, he noticed in a fuzzy way that blood was gushing from between his fingers.

Oh. Shit.

Iruka collapsed.


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi hovered by Iruka's bed, his eyes fixed on Iruka's pale face. Yumiko finished applying the bandage, her eyes round with worry. "Shit, Hatake!" She hissed, fury making her hands tremble. "You fucking killed him!"

"That was the plan." Kakashi fought to keep his voice neutral.

Yumiko gave him a furious glare. "You cold-hearted, vicious _bastard!_"

"Knock it off." Kakashi felt hollow and empty. "I didn't do this on purpose. The fucking idiot moved the wrong way and…and my judgment's off. It was supposed to hit his shoulder, nice and messy but he fucking moved…"

Kakashi realized, too late, that his voice had risen. He was close to breaking down.

Yumiko stared at him, and then suddenly threw herself across the bed to wrap her arms around him.

Kakashi pulled her against his body and returned her embrace.

They sat together, watching Iruka sleep, for the rest of the night.

…

"Iruka. Wake up, Iruka."

Iruka clawed his way to the surface of the dark grey fog he was drifting in, hearing the slightly trembling urgency in Kakashi's voice.

"Kashi?" he whispered. He wondered why he hurt so badly.

"We've got to move. You're 'dead', but we can't be found here. You've got to get up."

"I'm…dead?" Well, that explained it. But wait. When you died, weren't you supposed to feel no more pain?

"We don't have much time. They're on their way. Hatake, you've got to get him up."

A woman's voice. Iruka licked his lips and forced his eyes open.

Kakashi's face was hanging over him, looking like crap. With an effort, Iruka raised his hand to touch it, stroking his finger over the black mask.

Kakashi choked back what sounded suspiciously like a sob. Clutching Iruka's hand, he closed his eye for a moment. Then, he sighed and said "Get up, Iruka."

…

Iruka trembled. Every muscle in his body ached with agony. Only sheer willpower was keeping him on his feet. Kakashi and Yumiko weren't much better off.

They were all three dressed as ANBU. Kakashi reasoned that it might help them be safer; only a complete moron would mess with three ANBU on a mission. Hopefully they didn't meet any complete morons.

They weren't heading for the leaf village. Not right away. That would be too obvious. Still not knowing if the other diplomat had reached his target, they couldn't afford to give the game away that quickly. Instead they were heading for a small village to the south, famed for its hot springs and mineral baths. There they'd rest for about a week and then head back.

Like three ANBU on vacation. Iruka forced himself to take a step, and then another.

…

The attack had come without warning. Not even a real assassin. Just a clumsy kid with a knife, set to destroy a fearsome ANBU. Only these ANBU were too damn exhausted to defend themselves properly. Yumiko took the attack in the back. Kakashi managed to break the attacker's neck, but it was too late.


	10. Chapter 10

Finally, the hot springs. They'd traveled almost non-stop to reach it. Blinking dizzily, Iruka stared down at their destination.

"That's it." Kakashi's voice was flat and colourless. Iruka couldn't answer. He couldn't breathe.

"Steady." Kakashi's arm slipped around Iruka's waist and supported him for a moment.

They hadn't been attacked since the one that had killed Yumiko. Iruka thought they'd finally thrown off their assassins. Leaning wearily against Kakashi, he fought to catch his breath.

When he felt stronger, he gently pushed away from Kakashi. "Let's go."

…

Almost a full week later, Iruka was feeling almost normal again. Daily immersion in the hot water had finally soaked the last of his bruises away. Plenty of food and rest had brought his strength and chakra back.

Kakashi, currently sprawled on his stomach on the bed, opened his eye and gave Iruka a long look. "You look better."

Iruka sank onto the bed and absently rubbed his hands over Kakashi's backbone. "I feel better."

"Mmmm." Kakashi sighed and then abruptly rolled over. Capturing Iruka's hand in his, he reached up with the other and yanked his mask down. "Iruka, we need to talk."

Iruka tensed slightly. Giving Kakashi a wary look, he freed his hand and rearranged himself more comfortably on the bed. "Ok. So talk."

Taken slightly aback by Iruka's sudden defensiveness, Kakashi rolled over and sat up. Rubbing his face, he took a deep breath before spinning around to face Iruka.

"Iruka…" Kakashi licked his lips. Suddenly he wished, strongly, that he hadn't removed his mask. He felt horribly exposed. "Look. You and me…"

Iruka flushed slightly. Kakashi wanted to sink into the bed and disappear.

"It's…it can't continue." Kakashi hesitated, and then rushed on. "You're a jounin. I'm ANBU. We're both always going on these crazy missions. Either of us could die at any time. It'd be stupid for us to enter into a relationship like that."

Iruka blinked and then, to Kakashi's internal disappointment, nodded slowly. "I…see."

Kakashi gaped at him for a moment. Then he collected himself. "I'm glad you understand."

He'd expected Iruka to…what? Protest? Complain? Beg?

Shoving down his _totally_ irrational sense of betrayal, Kakashi sat up and smiled cheerily at Iruka. "I'm glad." He sighed. "I'm glad that we got to know each other though, Iruka."

Iruka sighed and rubbed his scar. "Yeah. Me too." He looked out the window for a moment. Suddenly he grinned. Turning back to Kakashi, he raised one eyebrow suggestively. "Uhm. I was wondering…you know."

Kakashi stared at him for a moment and then suddenly found himself grinning from ear to ear. "Break up sex? Oh my god. Iruka…what have I done to you? You're getting as perver…"

Iruka pounced on him and he forgot what he was about to say.


	11. Chapter 11

They were greeted by an exuberant scream. "Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka sighed and braced himself for impact. Naruto came tearing down the street, arms flapping. He threw himself at Iruka, who caught him and only managed to fall over backward with mildly bone-jarring bruising. Naruto, sobbing with relieved happiness, hugged him until Iruka thought he was going to die from lack of oxygen.

"Iruka-sensei!" Sakura and Sasuke came running down the street. Sakura threw herself at Iruka, giving him a slightly milder hug. Sasuke looked like he desperately wanted to, but he shoved his hands into his pockets and only greeted his sensei with a relieved grin. "Good to have you back, Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi had stepped back when Naruto appeared. Staring down at the grinning Iruka, he shoved his hands in his pockets and blinked a few times.

"Umino-san, I'm going to report to the Hokage. Find out what happened while we were gone. When you can pry yourself away, come on up. Don't hurry; it looks like you got some catching up to do."

There. He'd managed to keep his voice light. Iruka gave him a piercing glance, and then grinned. "Ok. I'll be up shortly."

…

Iruka watched Kakashi slink away, head bowed, hands in pocket. Idiot, he thought with a sigh. Umino-san indeed.

He shook his head and turned his attention to soothing Naruto. It took forever, but he managed to unlatch the kid from his body and convince him that Hokage would _not _appreciate them showing up at the Tower with him. After promising to meet them for ramen after, he dusted his clothes off and proceeded to the Tower.

The ANBU guards at the door waved him in. Considering what he'd been through in the last few days, the ANBU's laxness made Iruka feel uncomfortable. Iruka stepped into the hallway and walked to the Hokage's office, guarded by another pair of guards. These checked him carefully, to Iruka's relief, before knocking on the door.

He went in when he was bid and sat down. Kakashi was not in evidence; Iruka wondered briefly if he'd left early to avoid meeting him.

"Iruka, Kakashi told me what happened. The first thing I need to tell you is that you did not fail." The Hokage puffed on his pipe, and Iruka stared at him. "The objective reached the target; we'd lost track of you, so we didn't get to tell you. I'm sorry about the ANBU who were with you."

Iruka closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them. Looking at the Hokage levelly, he let out his breath in a soft sigh. "It's…not alright, but…we all know what can happen. We all know that we could die at any time…"

"And you almost did." The Hokage smiled at Iruka around the pipe. "Kakashi feels incredibly guilty about that, by the way. If you ever need a blackmail subject, I suggest you bring that up."

Iruka gaped at the Hokage, whose eyes twinkled merrily at him.

"Go. Barring an emergency, you're off for a week while you heal. Take those brats you call a team out and train them, would you? They're driving me crazy."

Iruka covered his mouth before he did something very un-jounin-like. Like giggling. "Yes, Hokage-san."he said meekly.

…

Iruka opened the door to his apartment carefully. Looking around, he used his chakra to study the room.

"It's safe."

Iruka nearly jumped out of his skin. Asuma appeared from the bedroom, looking tiredly pleased. He was wearing sparring clothes and carrying a towel. "I moved in and kept an eye on the place for you while you were gone."

Iruka gaped at him. Finally he managed to gasp "what?"

"I made sure those brats of yours didn't leave you any welcome home presents. I kept it clean and hey, I even restocked the cupboards. Welcome home, Iruka. I'm off. Genma and I have a sparring match, and then I'm for home."

"Uh…" Asuma grinned, and Iruka licked his lips. He'd forgotten how…strong…Asuma's prescense was. It filled the house. "Uh. Thanks, Asuma. I really appreciate it."

Asuma sauntered over to him. Taking Iruka's chin in his hand, Asuma leaned over and gave him a very thorough kiss. "No problem, Iruka. That's what friends are for, aren't they? Mmm. You do look cute like that. Eat something before you go to sleep, ok?"

Grinning mercilessly, Asuma turned and left a very bemused Iruka to close the door behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

Iruka sat with his back against a tree, watching Naruto carefully investing chakra into his feet. They were trying to do the tree walk, but Naruto was having trouble controlling the amount of chakra he was using; he either used too much and blasted the tree, or too little and slipped right back off.

Sakura was already in the tree; he'd set her to splitting her attention. Now, hanging upside-down from a low branch, she was attempting to keep her feet attached to the branch with chakra while at the same time to do some simple chakra manipulation exercises. Iruka kept a chakra-net in place below her in case her attention splintered. Sasuke had managed to climb, but he was having problems sticking to the branch for any length of time.

It was good. Iruka smiled encouragingly at Naruto, then turned his eyes towards Sasuke. "Concentrate, Sasuke. You have to keep the chakra flowing uninterrupted. Sakura, that's good. When you're ready, shift to the second set of moves."

Sakura nodded and concentrated again, her leaf-green eyes narrowed.

"Oi." Naruto looked up and made a pained sound. "Hey, look-it's the pervy sage!"

Iruka blinked, as startled as ever by Naruto's label for one of the three legendary sannin. But when he thought about it, privately, he had to admit it was pretty accurate…those damn perverted books of his.

Jiraiya gave Naruto a wounded look and sauntered over to Iruka. "Hey, Iruka. How's the training going today?"

Iruka shrugged. He never could seem to relax, despite the fact that Jiraiya had approached him from the first, acting like he was already his friend. And he seemed awfully interested in Naruto. Only to be expected, Iruka thought wearily. Naruto, trained and ready, was going to be potent weapon for the village. His potential even surpassed Sasuke, who was a true Uchiha genius.

Jiraiya watched them for a moment. Iruka didn't think that Sakura had even registered his appearance; Sasuke gave the sage an opaque look and continued his exercise. Naruto was still trying to control the flow of chakra in his body. Finally, giving Iruka a side-ways, do-you-mind look, Jiraya stood and started to give him pointers. Iruka smiled, watching his favorite little blonde's eyes bore into Jiraiya's, the concentration lines on his face making the kid look a lot older. Or constipated, Iruka thought with a grin.

Finally Naruto managed it, and he started to climb. Jiraiya flumped down on the ground next to Iruka, panting slightly from the heat. "Hmm."

Iruka gave Jiraiya a long, sideways look. The sannin looked distracted, staring off into space with a slightly worried look on his face. Iruka raised his eyebrows, wondering. Was something bothering the man? Or was he, Iruka thought in sudden disgust, just writing another one of those stupid, disgusting books in his head? He better not be…oh, gods. What if he was thinking of adding a new character…

"Iruka." Jiraiya suddenly focused on him, and Iruka blushed.

"Uhm?" Iruka asked, looking away.

"Heh. What's wrong with you?" Jiraiya picked up a piece of grass and stuck it in his mouth, eyeing Iruka thoughtfully.

"Nothing." Iruka grated. Those damn books. He'd only read two pages and then thrown the book away, scandalized. And burned!

"Hmmmmm." Jiraiya studied the young man's profile and mentally sighed. "Iruka. I think we need to talk."

Iruka's head whipped around, and something in his eyes made Jiraiya raise his eyebrows higher. Soooo. He'd heard _those _words a little too soon ago. But that was neither here nor there. Nor was it any of his business. Pushing himself up, he made sure the kids were occupied, he leaned closer to Iruka.

"Iruka, we're going to have to break up your team."

Iruka gaped at him. "Uh. Why?" Iruka managed.

"Because we want to train your team individually for a while. It's not a reflection of you. In fact, it's happening so soon because you're doing such a damn good job with them that the timetable has accelerated. Sakura is obviously going to train with Tsunade, I'm taking Naruto, and we were thinking of a few people to take Sasuke. Probably his older brother Itatchi. He needs to get some extra training in with those sharingan of his."

Iruka licked his lips and flicked his eyes to the side, taking in his students with one sharp, regretful look. "Ah."

Jiraiya was silent for a time. Finally, Iruka sighed. "Yeah, I can see it. Except…" he paused, hesitant to sound critical, but forced himself to continue. "Except is there anyone else to send Sasuke with? I don't…like…the Uchiha much."

Jiraiya echoed Iruka's sigh. "Me either. He's a damn cold bastard. I'd hate to see Sasuke end up like him. But who else can give him the sharingan training he needs? We thought about Hayate, but he's never really gained full control over his eye, coming into it the way he did. Plus, he and Sasuke don't seem to get along very well."

Iruka chuckled. "Well, I don't think many people get along with Kakashi very well. He's rather…annoying."

Jiraya glanced sharply at him. Kakashi, hmmm? Well, that was interesting. When had Iruka gotten so chummy with Kakashi?

Iruka watched his students for a long, silent moment. Finally he turned to Jiraiya. "When?" he asked simply.

"Today." Jiraiya threw the piece of grass away, looking vaguely sad. "Best to have it over with, ya? Besides, you'll still get them occasionally, singly and in groups, since we're all damn busy around here. It's not the end of their training with you, just another phase." 

…

Iruka leaned against the tree again and sighed. They'd taken it…well. Well, okay, Naruto had been upset and it had taken a sharp hit from Iruka to get him to stop loudly denying wanting to train with the perverted toad sage. Sakura had nodded, looking calm, but then, she'd been training some with Tsunade anyway, so it wasn't much of a change. And Sasuke had taken it in his usual cold, uncaring manner, but Iruka had seen the way his lips thinned. Sasuke didn't like his older brother much anymore either.

Ever since his clan had been destroyed, leaving Sasuke and his older brother alone, Sasuke had been fighting disturbing nightmares involving his brother. Iruka had been there, many times, when he woke screaming or crying. Sasuke's memories of the slaughter of Uchiha were mercifully foggy. But Iruka had a bad feeling whenever he thought about Sasuke and Itachi together that he just couldn't shake.

They'd left, and he was…alone again.

Iruka drew his knees up into his chest and leaned his head against the tree, closing his eyes. Damn it, he was getting maudlin. He had to occupy his mind with something else. Anything else.

A mission. Opening his eyes, Iruka sighed in relief. That was the ticket. I need to take a mission. Feeling better already, Iruka levered himself off the ground and headed back to the mission office.


	13. Chapter 13

Three weeks, four missions later, Iruka met Naruto and Jiraiya at the noodle shop for ramen. Iruka was feeling a little battered, but otherwise generally healthy. Naruto met him with his usual exuberant hug and then launched into a description of his training, in between massive bites of ramen. Used to Naruto's usual way of talking, Iruka ate his noodles and just listened, grinning slightly. Jiraiya looked a little frazzled. Funny to see one of the legendary sannin getting run around by a mere genin.

Suddenly, something that Naruto said caught Iruka's attention. "…second chakra. It's hard. I have to get rid of all my first chakra, and even then I can't always pull on it, but…"

Second chakra? Iruka nearly choked on his noodles.

"You're teaching him…" he hissed. Jiraiya glanced at him, raising his eyebrows. A little guiltily. But Iruka was pissed beyond caring who it was he was pissed at. "You're teaching him to…tap the…."

Jiraiya gave him a long, thoughtful look and then tapped Naruto's head, who seemed oblivious to his former sensei's rising anger. "Hey, kid. You done?"

Naruto shoved the rest of his ramen into his mouth and said yes, rather indistinctly. Chuckling, Jiraya reached down and pulled a brown package from the floor. "Then do me a favor, ja? Run this over to Sarutobi Asuma's. Tell him it's the new one."

Iruka was too distracted by his anger to realize that Jiraiya was using Naruto to distribute his porny books. Probably a good thing. When Naruto reluctantly took the package, Jiraiya chugged the last of his sake and rose. "C'mon, Iruka. Let's go someplace a little more private and finish this discussion."

…

"What the hell are you thinking?"

Iruka paced the room, too wound up to sit. "It's insane! The chakra he's using is the nine-tailed-fox's! You're going to make him break the seal!"

"Calm down, kid." Jiraiya watched Iruka pace, thinking idly that Iruka calm was a pretty fine-looking man. Iruka pissed was…well, mesmerizing. But I'm not going to continue that thought, he told himself firmly. Focus, focus…

Iruka turned to stare at Jiraiya. Jiraiya could see the soul-sick worry and fear in the younger man's eyes. "You're going to destroy him."

Jiraiya sighed. "No, Iruka. We're not. I promise. We're handling this incredibly carefully. The kid's already starting tapping into the power on his own; without proper training, he looses himself in it and can't handle it. That's why we have to train it. Get it under his _conscious _control and out of instinct. _That _would destroy him."

Iruka gaped at him, obviously trying to think of something else to say. Suddenly he folded, sitting down hard on the ground. Pulling his knees to his chest, he wrapped his arms around his legs and gave Jiraiya a mournful look. "I…Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be…questioning you like this. You know what you're doing. I'm just…"

"Hey." Jiraiya reached out and grasped the young man's shoulders. He could feel Iruka's tension through his fingers; it hurt Jiraiya, and it was probably giving the kid a splitting headache. "You love him, you're worried. It's ok. But it has to be done."

Jiraya carefully dug his fingers into Iruka's shoulders and sighed. Temptation…but he mentally slapped his fingers. "I've got to go. Naruto's probably looking for me, and I need to think of something to keep him occupied for a while before he thinks of some way to get into trouble. I'll keep you posted on his progress."

Iruka gave him a feeble smile. Standing, Jiraiya wandered into the trees, hoping that Iruka could find some comfort.

…

Iruka wound up at the monument. Sitting down, he studied the carved names, reading the familiar lines with an ache. His parents. His friends. Would he be seeing Naruto's name here someday? Sakura's? Sasuke's…or Kakashi's?

He reached up and rubbed his forehead. Damn, his head hurt. His whole body hurt.

His heart hurt.


	14. Chapter 14

Kakashi stopped, aware that there was someone sitting in front of the memorial. Damn. He'd hoped…well, he'd hoped for a quiet visit alone. He'd been there once this morning, as usual, but something had drawn him back this afternoon. Not like I've got anything else to do with my time, he thought tiredly. But there was someone there already. He stopped, considering leaving. He really wasn't up to casual conversation. Especially since conversation at the memorial was hardly ever casual…

Suddenly, he recognized the figure. Iruka? He was hunched up, drawn into himself like he was in pain. Kakashi took one step, and then another, arguing fiercely with himself the entire time. He'd not seen his fellow jounin since they'd returned to the village. That was the way it should be. Never mind that he woke at night, his fingers searching for Iruka's body. Never mind that he had horrible nightmares where his kunai had killed Iruka and he held him, watching the blood drain from the man's body, helplessly raging while the light died in Iruka's brown eyes. And especially never mind those _other _dreams.

It was a loosing battle from the start. Reluctantly, Kakashi walked to stand behind him. Iruka didn't even notice; he was focused inward, fighting some battle of his own.

"Umino-san?" Kakashi asked quietly.

Iruka twitched. Good control, Kakashi thought. Tipping his head back, the younger man saw Kakashi standing over him, hands in pockets, staring down at him with worry visible in his one blue eye.

"Hey, K..Hatake." Iruka bit his lip, cursing himself for the slip. He'd been calling him Kakashi in his head for too long. In his head and in some very…heated…dreams. The thought of those dreams made Iruka blush.

Seeing his blush, Kakashi wanted to laugh. Poor guy. He just couldn't control that, could he?

Kakashi's fingers itched to touch him. Opting for something safe, he kneeled down and started massaging Iruka's tense shoulders, feeling the strain in them. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

"What's wrong?" Iruka sighed and relaxed into the massage. "They split up my team. Sasuke's off training with the Uchiha, Sakura's in the field with Tsunade, and Naruto…Naruto's being taught to touch his inner fox by the Sage. And I'm sick with worry about all three of them, especially Naruto. And I'm taking too many missions, trying to get my mind off the kids. Missions that I've come very close to failing a couple of times. I'm…" he hesitated, then blurted "I wish I'd never taken the jounin exam. I'm not a very good jounin. I…"

Kakashi dug his fingers into a particularly tense muscle and Iruka broke off, gasping. "I don't think you're that bad."

"Thanks. But…it's the truth, Kakashi. I wish…" he sighed and his shoulders slumped lower. "To tell you the truth, I wish I was still teaching. _That's _what I'm good at. That's what I want to do. I want to teach."

Kakashi noted the use of his first name. Iruka trusted him, he realized. Iruka trusted him completely. Feeling warmth spread through his body, he silently continued his massage. Complete trust. It was a scary thing…scary and wonderful.

Finally, he sighed and moved his hands to Iruka's neck. "Well, Iruka. I think you should teach."

Iruka stilled. "D..do you think.." his naked hope was painfully obvious to Kakashi. "Do you think they'd let me?"

"Hell yes." Kakashi's brows drew together in determination. "I'll suggest it. They're just as short on good teachers as they are on good jounin. Maybe one of the other teachers wants to move up. Whatever. They can't ignore the fact that your heart lies with teaching, rather than with taking missions. After all, if you're distracted by your unhappiness, you're not going to do very well with missions, are you? I'll talk to Hokage in the morning."

Iruka was silent for a long moment. Then, suddenly, he turned and buried his face in Kakashi's chest, sobbing.

_Oh, Iruka_…Kakashi wrapped his arms around the younger man's body and rocked him gently. "Hey now. It's ok."

"I'm…I'm s.s.sorry, Kakashi. You m.m.must think I'm…such…weak…" Iruka gasped, clinging to Kakashi's vest.

Kakashi sighed in exasperation and shook Iruka lightly. "Shut up. Don't be an idiot. You're wound up, torn up, and so damn unhappy you should have burst into tears awhile ago. It's just tension-release, that's all."

Iruka shivered, and Kakashi cursed his choice of words. Iruka didn't need someone calling him an idiot right now. Before he could apologize, however, Iruka sat up straighter and got control of his tears. "Thanks." He said softly.

Kakashi reached up and wiped the tears from Iruka's face gently, then pulled away before he did something stupid. "Hey." He said softly. "It's ok. Look, I'll go talk to Hokage now. I want this cleared up. You head to your house; when I've finished convincing them, I'll have them send for you for the official decision, ok?"

Iruka nodded. Kakashi fought the fierce desire to rip off his mask and kiss him. Damn him for looking so…vulnerable and sweet.

Pushing himself to his feet, he paused to smile down at Iruka. "I'll get it sorted out. I promise."

…

Two weeks later. Iruka grinned at the class, rubbing his scar ruefully as he took in the sea of excited, oh-so-innocent faces. It felt…wonderful…to be back. And the kids were glad to see him, too.

It hadn't taken Kakashi long to convince them. He'd barely had time to wash his hot face with a cold washcloth when they'd knocked on his door, telling him the Hokage wanted to see him. After a few pointed questions, the Hokage had grinned and asked why Iruka hadn't told him how strongly he felt about being a teacher? Idiot. But the term had been full of warm affection, and Iruka had blushed brightly and stammered something about every jounin being needed.

"Bullshit." Iruka gasped, surprised. The Hokage grinned wider. "Yes, it's true that we need everyone doing everything. But Iruka…I've been worried sick about you. You were always skating the thin edge, barely making it. But I thought it was what you wanted. I never guessed you were miserable. Idiot-you and me both. Well, now, at least we can take care of it. We need good teachers much more than we need half-hearted jounin. You start next week. Take a few days, get yourself prepared."

Iruka grinned wryly and turned to the blackboard. As he did so, he caught a glimpse of a silver-haired man standing outside the window, grinning widely at him. Stopping, he gave Kakashi a quick, delighted smile. The older man winked deliberately at him. Then he pulled his book from his pocket and wandered off, and Iruka turned his attention the lesson.

…

Iruka fell back into the rhythm of teaching easily. Then, finding his days only half-filled, he'd wandered into the mission office and found out they were short-handed as well. Grinning, Iruka took his old job back. It was wonderful. He continued to train, and took the occasional mission when he had time. The war had stalled, with none of the sides backing down but none of the sides really being willing to made the first attack that would signal another escalation of hostilities. The village relaxed, subtly, breathing in the relief of a fragile peace.


	15. Chapter 15

Iruka blinked owlishly at Asuma, trying to remember why he'd agreed to go drinking with him anyway. Asuma was plowed, waving his sake glass wildly and meandering through a long, complicated story that Iruka couldn't follow. Of course, it didn't help that Asuma kept back-tracking and skipping ahead, too drunk to coherently explain.

Genma,Bekkou and Kurenai had slipped out earlier, pleading an early morning with their teams. Iruka devoutly wished he could do the same, but he didn't feel right about leaving Asuma alone, drunk, in the bar.

"…and that was how the cow got in the apartment." Asuma concluded his story with a triumphant wave of his glass, nearly sending sake splashing over Iruka's shirt.

A couple of jounin, nearly as drunk as Asuma, stumbled into the table. Apologizing, they attempted to untangle themselves from Asuma, who'd latched onto them in surprise. Iruka took the opportunity to steal the bottle of sake and pour it onto the floor, mentally apologizing to the bar keep. When they'd gone, Asuma picked up the now-empty bottle and shook it with a mournful look.

"Well, that's it. C'mon, Asuma, let's go home. I've had enough to drink."

"Never enough." Asuma said reproachfully, but he allowed Iruka to help him rise. Throwing Asuma's arms around his neck, he signaled the barkeep and then paused, wondering blearily how he was going to get his money out of his pocket with his hands full of Asuma.

The barkeep laughed, obviously divining Iruka's trouble. "Don't worry about it, Iruka-sensei. You're good for it; stop in tomorrow and pay the tab. Just get him home safe, ok?"

"Ok. Thanks." He maneuvered Asuma out into the street and started towards Asuma's apartment. The older man started singing, but it was thankfully low enough to not disturb his neighbors.

Once inside, Iruka helped Asuma strip his jacket and pants off, leaving him in a pair of boxers and his loose undershirt. "There you go, Asuma. Good thing you're off tomorrow. Sleep it off, I'll be back to collect your half of the tab."

Asuma muttered something, and then suddenly Asuma latched onto his arm and hauled him into bed.

"Hmm…pretty…" Asuma rolled over, trapping Iruka on the bed. "P'tty…"

"Shit! Asuma, get the hell off of me, you idiot!" Iruka tried to push the man off, but Asuma was drunkenly determined.

Shit, Iruka thought frantically.

Asuma was drunk, but then so was Iruka. And Asuma was ex-ANBU, a special jounin of incredible skill. He skillfully kept Iruka from getting a good hold on him by trapping his wrists and stretching them out above his head. The position arched Iruka's back, bringing his chest into a very uncomfortable proximity with Asuma's.

"mmm. So pretty." Asuma nuzzled Iruka's neck, his lips feathering across Iruka's skin. Iruka yelped and tried to wiggle, but that really didn't produce the results that Iruka was looking for.

"Shit!"

There was a cough, and Iruka craned his neck to see Kakashi, sitting casually on the windowsill. "Having fun?" he drawled.

"Shit! Kakashi, get him the fuck off of me!"

Kakashi started laughing, which made Iruka growl angrily. "Get…him…off…of…me!"

Kakashi slid from the windowsill and bodily hauled the protesting Asuma off. Iruka rolled gratefully off the bed, gasping, as Kakashi settled the man into his blankets, skillfully avoided his groping hand, and hauled Iruka to his feet.

"Let's get out of here. Asuma won't remember this, most likely, so you're off the hook. Didn't anyone ever warn you about Asuma's roving hands?"

The older man was grinning. Iruka flushed hotly, grinding his teeth in embarrassed rage. "No!" he nearly shouted.

Kakashi laughed, enjoying the play of emotions on the younger man's face. "Well, consider yourself warned. Sober, Asuma is as discreet and contained a man as you'll ever want to meet. However, get a bottle of sake or two in him and he turns into a sexual maniac. He'll roll anything, including the dog, if he can get it to hold still long enough.

Iruka didn't think it was possible to blush any harder. Somehow, he managed it.

"Let's get you home. Where are you staying?"

"I have an apartment." Iruka turned to fast and suddenly gasped as the world tilted crazily around him. "Shit!"

"Tsk, Tsk, Sensei. Such language. You certainly turn into a foul-mouth when you drink." Kakashi slipped Iruka's arm around his shoulder and steadied him. "Point the way. I'd be remiss if I left you alone to poison the minds of any students you happen to run across."

"Shut..up…"

…

Kakashi got Iruka into his apartment and to the bathroom before he threw up. Patting the younger man's back, he smoothed his hair out of his face and waited patiently for Iruka to finish heaving the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Then, he gently washed Iruka's flushed face with a cool rag, gave him water to clean his mouth out, and got him tucked into bed.

"Hmmmmm." Iruka snuggled down into the blankets, closing his eyes. "Stay?" he whispered.

Kakashi froze, staring down at the man. The temptation was killing him. But he knew that if he did stay, he wasn't going to be able to keep his hands off of Iruka.

"I…I can't." he whispered, feeling strangled.

Iruka sighed deeply and then whispered "Ok. Thanks, Kashi. I'll see you later."

"Sleep well, Iruka." Kakashi allowed himself one touch, smoothing Iruka's hair from his eyes, before fleeing into the night


	16. Chapter 16

Kakashi leaned against the shower wall, letting the hot water flow around him. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

There were a lot of good, solid reasons for his continuing avoidance of a relationship with Iruka. He kept repeating them to himself, trying to make them sound convincing. But they were pale and wispy compared to the nearly overwhelming desire to run back to Iruka's bed right this very moment.

He scrubbed his face with his hands, feeling worn out and exhausted from his struggle.

Giving the shower up as a bad job, he got out, dried himself, and wandered into the kitchen. He was hungry, but nothing he had sounded good. He was tired, but he didn't want to lie down.

I'm so screwed, he thought dismally.

He leaned on the counter and stared into space, giving in to the temptation to think about Iruka.

…

Iruka sighed and shifted through the reports, trying to sort out the ones that needed immediate referral to the Hokage and the ones that could just be filed. It was tedious work, reading each report. Especially the lower ranked ones; the team leader usually let the kids file the report, and he suffered through their overly dramatic, often unintentionally hilarious explanations of their usually mundane chores.

Bekkouwas grumbling to himself as he filed reports away. He hated doing the nit-pick work that Iruka was doing. He hated filing too. Asked which one was worse, Bekkou usually screwed his face up, screwed his face up in irritation, and refused to answer.

Iruka grinned to himself, shaking his head. Then he yawned and glanced at the clock. Almost quitting time.

Buoyed by that happy thought, he made short work of his remaining files and helped Bekkou finish off the files. "Ok, I think that's good. Close up, would you, while I trap the scrolls?"

Bekkou perked up and Iruka laughed. Turning to the scroll files, he carefully stowed the scrolls containing the mission requests and set the trap jutsus.

Then the door tinkled. Grimacing, Iruka turned, expecting to see Bekkou's retreating back. Instead, he came face-to-face with Sakura.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei." She looked troubled; Iruka raised his eyebrow and asked "What's wrong, Sakura?"

Sakura attempted a smile and handed him her report. "Nothing. It's just…well…have you heard from Sasuke lately?"

Iruka shook his head, flipping open her report and scanning it quickly. Thank the gods, Sakura had written it and not Tsunade. Meant it was readable. "Nooo…I haven't. He and his brother were supposed to be off somewhere training. I guess it's not unreasonable that they haven't checked in." Nevertheless, he felt a brief tingle of unease.

"Oh." Sakura fidgeted. Iruka sighed, sensing what she was trying not to ask. "I'll ask about checking in with them."

Sakura brightened. "Thanks, Iruka-sensei." She gave him a quick, hard hug and then skipped out.

Iruka tossed the report in the to-be-filed box, wishing he could feel as relieved.


	17. Chapter 17

"…found him in the forest, alone. He's nearly wiped out. I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did, lying there on the grass."

Iruka pushed the door open, feeling his heart clench. Sasuke was lying in the hospital bed, his skin paler than normal. He looked so damn…small. Young. Brittle. Tsunade followed him in, pulling the door closed behind her. "No sign of his brother. Lots of signs of a fight; it's impossible to tell who or what they were fighting."

Iruka drew in a breath, fighting a momentarily dizzying flash of rage. "Maybe it was his brother he was fighting."

Tsunade gasped and shook her blonde hair. "What? Iruka, what the hell…"

Iruka resisted the urge to smooth Sasuke's hair down and turned to Tsunade. "There's something about Uchiha Itatchi I've never liked. Or trusted. And Sasuke didn't like him any more than I did. Tsunade-sama, you weren't there when Sasuke woke from his nightmares of the slaughter of his family. And I've never trusted Itatchi's story about his whereabouts the night of the slaughter. Or his lack of emotion." Iruka paced the room, twisting his hands in his shirt. "What if…what if he had something to do with it? And Sasuke…Sasuke was there, Tsunade. Sasuke's mind erased the memories. They were too painful. We've always assumed it was just because of seeing his family murdered. What if it was seeing his family murdered by his brother?"

He'd not heard the door open. The Hokage stood on the door-frame, studying Iruka with wise, sad eyes. "Iruka, your perceptiveness has always astounded me."

Tsunade looked at the Hokage, her mouth falling open. "No. You don't…you can't possibly…"

The Hokage nodded slowly. He looked old, Iruka thought suddenly. Old and tired. "Yes, I am beginning to believe that Iruka's story is correct. I've never felt right about him either, or completely trusted his story. I still don't know his motives, but…" he glanced at the boy in the bed, his eyes turning darker. "We'll find out. One way or the other. Iruka, I'm having ANBU stationed here. You're welcome to stay, if you want. We can't take the chance that the Uchiha will not come back to finish what he started."

Iruka nodded, rage still singing in his ears. "I'll stay, Hokage-san."

…

Iruka sat in the chair by the bed, listening to the sound of Sasuke's breathing and struggling not to cry.

Everything falls apart, Iruka thought. Everything bleeds in the end.

He blamed himself. He blamed himself for letting them talk him into releasing Sasuke to his brother, despite his inner warnings. He blamed himself for not checking in with Sasuke sooner, for letting him slide out of his mind. Cold, empty pain filled his heart. What good am I, he wondered bleakly. What good am I? I failed as a jounin, I failed as his sensei, I failed…

The pain lanced him. Covering up his face, he huddled in the chair, breaking apart, sobbing soundlessly.

He felt someone enter the room. Felt arms slide around him, felt a body pulling him from the chair, from the room. He didn't fight. He couldn't.

…

Iruka woke slowly, his gritty, swollen eyes at first refusing to wake. He was being held, being rocked gently. Burrowing his head in the comforting chest, he closed his eyes again. It felt good to be held. To be comforted.

"Kakashi?" he whispered.

"I'm here, Iruka." Kakashi's soft voice was tired and thin. "I'm here."

"How's Sasuke?"

He felt Kakashi's sigh. "Physically, fine. He'll recover with no problems. Mentally? He's…" Kakashi sighed again. "Shattered is the right word, I think. He's having to relive all the memories like they just happened."

"Don't leave me." The words were pulled from Iruka, a soft whimper of pain. Kakashi froze, and Iruka hastily grabbed handfuls of his shirt, wrapping his hands tightly to avoid letting the man go. "Not forever. I'm…not forever. Just…for awhile. I c..can't…"

Kakashi's hands trembled on his hair. Finally, finally, he sighed. "For awhile, then."


	18. Chapter 18

They went to Iruka's house. It was strained, at first, and awkward, but Iruka's mental fragility frightened Kakashi and he couldn't make himself leave. He stayed one night, then two. Pretty soon, 'awhile' had stretched into nearly two weeks.

They never found Itachi. Sasuke, darker and bitterer than before, had resumed training. He'd confirmed Iruka's guesses and declared his intent to avenge the death of his clan. Iruka was training him, trying to gently get him to open up. But Sasuke had clenched down, refusing even the barest hint of affection, even from Iruka. He'd become single-mindedly obsessed with killing his brother to the point of ignoring everything else.

And Kakashi was drowning in a sea of bitter, beautiful pain. Every day with Iruka was a treasure. He hoarded the memories in his heart. Iruka asleep, his mouth turned up at one corner in a smile. Iruka making him pancakes, laughing in the afternoon sunlight. The way that Iruka's chocolate brown eyes darkened to nearly black when he was feeling anything strongly. The strength in Iruka's slender frame.

But it had to end.

One morning, he rose and looked down at Iruka's sleeping face. Feeling leaden, he dressed quietly, trying not to wake Iruka. It wasn't fair, he knew. It was cowardly, horrible and stupid, what he was doing.

He didn't get away clean. He felt Iruka wake, felt Iruka staring at him in the pre-dawn darkness.

"You're leaving."

Iruka's voice was neutral. Kakashi hesitated, then pulled on his mask. "Yes."

There was silence. Kakashi pulled his headband around his head and yanked it down into its customary position. Iruka's stare was heat on his back. Kakashi felt like he couldn't breathe, crushed by the weight of his sorrow, guilt and pain.

Finally, he finished. Turning to the window, he hesitated again, his heart screaming at him.

"Iruka…" Damn it. He could leave it at this. He could break Iruka's heart and finish it. Or he could try and explain.

"Iruka. I have to go. I'm sorry."

Iruka looked down, his hands twisting in the sheet. But he didn't say anything.

"Iruka…" Kakashi helplessly turned to face him. "I love you."

Iruka looked back up at him, his face shadowed. "I love you too" he said simply. "Why, Kakashi?"

"Because…" Kakashi swallowed. Because you'd be a hostage. Because anyone who wanted to hurt me would try for you first. Because you'd lie awake every night I was on a mission, wondering if I was coming home. Because when I was hurting, aching from the aftermath of a vicious mission, I'd hurt you without even meaning to, just trying to get away. Because love is a weakness, a chink in my armor I can't have. Because when I finally am too slow, you'll be standing by the memorial, staring at my name carved in the marble. The words he didn't, couldn't say crowded his mouth, choked his breath. Broke his heart.

"Because I have to. I…I love you, but I have to go."

He turned and jumped out the window before Iruka could say anything more.


	19. Chapter 19

"Kakashi…I'm releasing you from ANBU."

Kakashi turned his head, staring up at the Hokage in shock. "What?" he finally whispered.

The Hokage took his pipe (not lit, not in the hospital) from his mouth and sighed deeply.

"Kakashi…all ANBU are messed up in the head. That's normal. Hell, all jounin are, in one way or the other. But you're…you're crazy. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were suicidal. You've been on mission after mission with no break, no rest. When ANBU doesn't need you, you've been taking every S and A ranked mission you can get your hands on. You're a wreck. I can't…I can't let you do this to yourself."

The pain in the Hokage's voice tore at Kakashi. The old man cared deeply for him, as deeply as the Fourth had. He hurt everyone that loved him.

"I understand." Kakashi made his lips form the words.

The Hokage sighed deeply. "I'm not sure that you do. But…" he shrugged and replaced his pipe. "You're stuck in the hospital for another week, at least. I wish Tsunade was here, but she was needed elsewhere. Rest. Get stronger. When you're ready, we'll take a look at where you're needed."

Kakashi nodded wordlessly. With a final sigh, the Hokage turned and left.

He heard the Hokage greet someone. Then the door opened again, and Iruka was standing on the threshold, staring at Kakashi.

"Iruka…" Kakashi felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Hi, Kakashi." Iruka hesitated, and then stepped inside the room. He was carrying a bunch of flowers-yellow and blue lilies. Their gentle perfume drifted around the room, filling it with sweet fragrance. "Uh. I just…I just wanted to make sure that you were…alright."

Not dead. Kakashi heard the words that Iruka couldn't say. The younger man looked like shit, his eyes baggy and his face lined. "I brought you these…"

"Thanks." Kakashi hungrily devoured Iruka's face with his eyes. How could he have forgotten how beautiful he was? Iruka's eyes were nearly black.

Iruka set the flowers on the table by the door. He still hadn't moved very far into the room. Kakashi felt the conflicting desire for Iruka to stay right where he was-a safe distance from the bed-and to come closer-within touching distance.

They stared at each other in a silence too full of words to break. Finally, Iruka let out a frustrated sigh. "I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry."

"Iruka…" Kakashi dammed his weakness.

"Kakashi…I heard them. All the things you didn't say, that morning." Iruka stared at the floor, his body tense. "I heard them like you said them in my ear. And yeah, they scared me. They're all right, you're right. But…I don't care." He looked up at Kakashi fiercely. "I don't care. I love you. That's all. But I can't make you change your mind. I can't make you…" he stopped, drawing a deep breath. "I just wanted you to know that. If you can ever bring yourself to see past your fear, I'll be waiting. I'll wait for you forever, if I have to."

Kakashi felt tears trickling down his cheeks. Iruka stepped forward and brushed the tears away, then leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently. Stepping away, he smiled at Kakashi before turning and leaving the room.

Kakashi closed his eyes, making no attempt to stop the tears.

…

Iruka watched Sasuke move through the exercise. Sasuke's face was screwed up in concentration. His moves were slow and precise, each judged to a hairsbreadth of accuracy. A soft glow surrounded his hands, leaving trailing sparkles of chakra energy in patterns that disappeared slowly from the air.

He was doing better. A little. He was beginning to stop shoving Iruka away, to allow Iruka to touch him again. For a while, he'd violently resisted being touched, even by accident. Now, if Iruka touched his shoulder to guide his motions or patted him on the head, he earned only a brief black look.

When Sasuke had finished, he opened his eyes. Iruka gave him an encouraging smile. "Much better, Sasuke. You've got the trick of it. How are you feeling?"

"Tired." Sasuke sagged onto the ground, rubbing his face. "Moving so slowly shouldn't be so hard."

Iruka chuckled and ruffled his hair, gaining himself that black look. "Yeah. But you're not just moving, you're manipulating your chakra at the same time. But you made it all the way through this time."

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something-probably rude or sarcastic, judging by the look on his face-when they were interrupted by a feminine voice. "Oh! Sasuke! Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka saw Sakura hurrying towards them, beaming. He mentally sighed. Not really what Sasuke needed right now. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, how Sasuke pulled inwards, his defenses tightening.

"Hi, Sakura." Sasuke didn't say anything. He saw Sakura's beaming face fall, slowly, and the pain slide into her leaf-green eyes. "Uhm. What's up?"

Sakura kept glancing at Sasuke as she spoke. "Hokage's called a big meeting. Something important's going on. The whole town is supposed to gather around the Tower in an hour."

Iruka's eyes snapped towards the tower. Something big…anticipation curled in his stomach. Big. Bad or good?

Peace…or war?


	20. Chapter 20

They gathered around the tower. The mood was anxious. Iruka made his way to a group of fellow jounin, all standing silently watching the tower.

Genma glanced at him and then made room for him in the group. Asuma touched his shoulder lightly, and Kurenai put her hand on his back and leaned against him. They drew comfort from each other; it was nerve-wracking, the wait.

Finally, the Hokage appeared on the balcony. Flanking him was the council, Jiraiya and Tsunade, with ANBU stationed around the walls. He looked out over the crowd.

"It's alright." He wasn't sure who breathed that. It could have been him.

"I am…incredibly delighted…to announce that a treaty has been signed between all the warring lands. As of today, the war is over!"

There was a stunned silence. And then a cry of joy that spread through the crowd, cresting in a wave of powerful release.

…

Kakashi watched Iruka. His heart pounded with joy, relief, excitement…but he watched Iruka. He watched Asuma grab Iruka and kiss him, soundly, followed by Anko and Kurenai simultaneously. They weren't alone-most of the crowd was engaged in similar activities. A blonde blur shot out of the crowd and collided with Iruka, sending them crashing to the ground. Naruto.

No one grabbed him. He stood alone, in the shadow of a building, and watched Iruka.

…

Later. Kakashi raised his head to the rain, feeling it wash over him like a blessing.

He was standing in front of the monument. The rain had started about an hour ago, but he hadn't left.

He wasn't sure why he was here. Everyone in the village was celebrating. Most of them were probably drunk by now. But he didn't feel like joining them.

"I wonder where Iruka is."

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi blinked. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. But…

He turned and Iruka was standing there, the rain slicking his brown hair around his face. He was smiling gently, cradling a bottle of sake in one hand a pair of cups in the other.

"Had a feeling you'd be here, alone." Iruka held out the cups to Kakashi. Kakashi took one, feeling…oddly calm. Like a wound he'd not realized was there had finally scabbed.

Iruka poured some sake into Kakashi's glass, and then into his. Raising it, he saluted Kakashi and said softly, "to peace."

"To peace." Kakashi threw back the sake and gasped happily as the heat struck his stomach.

"More?"

Kakashi held out his glass and Iruka filled it again.

After a few moments, Kakashi sighed. "We should get out of the rain."

Iruka smiled and bent down to set the cup and bottle on the ground. Straightening, he suddenly moved so he was standing in front of Kakashi. Reaching up, he pulled Kakashi's mask down. "Why?" he asked simply.

Staring into his eyes, Kakashi couldn't think of a reason.

…

Later. They lay together under the tree, watching the rain fall. There were no sounds but the patter of drops in the leaves and the soft, almost hypnotic sounds of their breaths.

"Iruka?" Kakashi tipped his head back to look up into Iruka's eyes. "I…"

Iruka smiled suddenly and kissed his nose. "I know, Kakashi."

Kakashi chuckled suddenly. "I'm an idiot."

Iruka laughed, shaking his head. "No. Not really. You're just…you've been alone for a long time."

Kakashi looked up at him. "But I'm not, anymore."

Iruka laughed, shaking his head. "And you'll never be alone again. I promise."


End file.
